Jeg har tidligere postet et par hatmailer jeg har fått av enn eller annen Sophie.
Jeg valgte lenge å ikke svare henne, men så ble nysgjerrigheten for stor. Så her følger vår vidre samtale. Jeg føler meg kanskje litt slem som poster dette på bloggen min, når det så tydelig kommer frem at hun ikke har det bra med seg selv. Men det setter også fenomenet «hat» i perspektiv. Jeg har alltid tenkt at folk som velger å hate må føle en nær tilhørighet til det de hater, eller hadde de ikke invistert så mye krefter i å drive med hatet.
Jeg skrev følgende (beklager min ekstremt mangelfulle engelsk):
Hi So, Im not going to change who I am and you are probably not going to change who you are. Simply because none of us can. But since I dont use my time do make your life sour, I would appriciate it if you stoped doning my life sour. Are you trying to save me, or are you just eager to tell me that I am wrong? Do you uderstand what my blogg is about, just wondering since it is written in Norwegian
I hope you will find happiness one day, both in you life and whitin yourself
Så svarte hun til meg:
Well, „Luca“, I do not speak Norwegian but thanks toGoogleTranslate I am able to understand what your blog is about. However, Iwasn’t able to listen to the videos you made/the interviews with you, becauseGoogleTranslate doesn’t work for youtube videos.
You write about your plan to become a man, your transition,and how it affects your life. What you do not write about is how you arecorrupting moral standards and basic values of our society.
I want you to understand that we both can change, everyonehas the power to do that. I myself for example like girls, but because I am awoman and being lesbian is not okay, I suppress my feelings for the same sex.You should admire me for being that strong.
I have seen recent photos of you and your friend Ane SollandKvinge on her blog (http://anehd.blogspot.de/).I told her that she is misbehaving, too, but she didn’t answer my messages andis obviously ignoring me. That clearly shows how wrong she is and that she isfeeling bad about it and doesn’t want to talk to me because she feels ashamedof herself.
I just want to tell you the truth (that being LGBTQ isinacceptable and wrong), but if that saves your life, it’s a nice side effect.It would be far better if you weren’t „out and proud“, but being out andencouraging other transsexual people to do the same is just plain wrong.
Oh by the way, don’t call me „dear“, because that’ssomething only people who like each other say.
Så skrev jeg til henne igjen:
But why dont you like me?
Why do you supress your feelings? does that do any good to anybody?
You obiusly have a lot of hate directed towards queer people (and since you like girls that include yourself?) I cant see how that makes you stong.. to be that sounds horrible!
You should not hate yourself. If you live out your true feelings you might just be happy.
I dont see how I am corrupting anything, but feel free to tell me.
Ane ignorse you because she thinks that you only hate gay peolpe because you are gay and have a hard time dealing whit it.
How would the world, and my life, be better if I lived a lie the rest of my life?
så svarte hun meg igjen:
It baffles me that you don’t understand how much you scareme! How could I like a person who makes me feel anxious and insecure? I amactually making lists of LGBTQ people (including names and addresses), not onlyto out them, but also to avoid them in real life.
I hope we will never meet, „Luca“.
I especially don’t like you because you make the girls wholive a normal, heterosexual life (me included) look bad! And I have to fighteach day, every single day, to suppress my desire to make out with the samesex. I do not want you to have fun while I am having a bad time, understood?
You know, the problem LGBTQ people are causing is ratherhuge: you are trying to force normal people to follow your agenda, to allow youthings that are restricted to normal people, to give you privileges that youdon’t deserve.
I mean, why is it such a big deal to be LGBTQ? Why can’t youjust hide and be secretly abnormal, like me? I am a bad person like you forhaving feelings for the same sex, for being LGBTQ, but I am superior because Ilive a heterosexual life!
Why don’t you focus on other things in your life, „Luca“? Dosports, study, get involved in community work or whatever. Try to distractyourself from LGBTQ topics, from „gay things“, like I do. Then it will work.
Suppressing my feelings keeps a certain moral standard, I ambehaving correctly, fulfilling my duty as a woman and therefore I can be arolemodel for others. That is so important in life: behave correctly so thatothers see it and take me as an example. I want to be a good girl and I am agood girl – as against e.g. Ane who calls herself a „riot grrrl“, a synonym for„troublemaker“.
I am not hateful, I am just being honest.
Nå kommer jeg ikke til å svare henne mer, for jeg har fått vite det jeg ville vite. Hun sliter med seg selv, sin egen seksualitet og identitet. Hennes skam skal tydeligivs overføres på meg. Selvfølgelig må det være hardt for henne å se at andre kan være seg selv og leve lykkelig som det de er, mens dette tydeligivs er svært vanskelig for henne.